What is Really Destroying Civilization

The snooze button.

I live in the west sorta, and our civilized home is not so civilized when snooze is hit every 9 minutes 9 times in a freaking row.

What the hell is snooze? Who invented this evil monster that is ruining our lives?

This is how life is supposed to operate. You go to bed, you set the alarm for the last possible minute that you can sleep. The alarm goes off, you run out of bed, perform the 3 S’s in under 5 minutes. Run to your car, travel down the freeway at the speed of light, run from your car to your building, and when you enter the door, wipe the sweat from your brow, try to hide the fact that you are heavily panting, slink into your office, trying to remain undetected as you are late. Life is grand.

This is how life operates in my household on 3-5 weekdays. The alarm goes off. It is silenced. The alarm goes off 9 minutes later. It is silenced. 9 minutes later, again. Again Again Again. For usually an hour, sometimes less, sometimes more. Then the male portion of our household saunters out of bed. He takes a 15 minute shower and slowly performs all the morning activities and then leaves the house. A full hour and a half after the first beeping.

I am awake at the first sounding of the alarm. My body is fully aware of the routine of panic at the sounding of the alarm. Alarm means you get up. You do not delay. If the fire alarm was going off, you wouldn’t want to hit snooze wouldya?

If I am feeling kind and loving, I will stay in bed for the next 2 snoozes. Once it is clear that snooze is in full effect that morning, in order to attempt maintenance of peace, I get out of bed instead of doing what I would like to. Throw the alarm across the wall. And the snoozer along with it.

I propose the end of snooze. We can all get back to a kinder, friendlier time when we all got out of bed immediately and with a mission. To make it to work no later than 9 minutes late each day. Stupid 9 minutes.

... And just to further the declaration that snooze is bringing down civilization, I have been advised that the writing and posting of this blog post may result in a kamikaze teabagging mission.