For the past century (or 4 days), I have been taking care of my nieces who are 2 and 5. My sister decided to go into labor as soon as her husband was on the drive to Houston with the girls for their regular weekend visit. He met us at the hospital about midnight on Friday night and since then, I have been the girls' primary caregiver.
This is a totally different experience than the other times I have cared for the girls. Beyond the length, just the whole mindset behind it. Because soon, I am gonna have one of them. And of course, while I wasn't present for my sister's actual delivery, she went into labor at 5 pm Friday. She delivered at noon on Sunday. She got kicked out of the hospital twice because delivery wasn't imminent. The only thing that will scare someone who is pregnant for the first time nearly as much as watching an actual delivery, is watching someone who is in labor for 42 hours. And ya know, I thought it got easier with each kid, this is her 3rd, shouldn't they fall out by now?
I haven't slept for days in between hanging out at the hospital, waking up with crying kids, frequent knocks to advise that they were leaving to go to the hospital, because this is IT! When it wasn't, of course. Pooping muddy dogs. And sleeping on my couch with a 5 year old for 3 days.
The kids are great. They really are quite well behaved. Don't throw too many tantrums. Are respectful. Listen well.
But man, they sure are needy. Aunt Fianna, I'm hungry. I have poopies. I thirsty. I bored. I want to watch Dora. I want grapes. I want I want I want.
The need monsters frighten me. They anger me yet that is so not fair.
I have to figure out this business and fast.
I am not sure with one if I will be ready or able to stay home. But with the second kid, I would like to transition to a stay at homer. But can I sanely do it?
My sister, who is quite driven, hardworking and insane like myself, says that she works because it is just better for everyone. Makes mommy happy and keeps the kids busy. She recognizes that she would not do well as a stay at home mom. Can I do it?
I don't know.
I just know that after 4 days, I am dying to get back to work.
And that at 33, my days of sleeping on couches need to end.
December 15, 2009
For the past century (or 4 days), I have been taking care of my nieces who are 2 and 5. My sister decided to go into labor as soon as her husband was on the drive to Houston with the girls for their regular weekend visit. He met us at the hospital about midnight on Friday night and since then, I have been the girls' primary caregiver.
December 7, 2009
I know that only a few people regularly read this. And those few people also see me every day now on Facebook. Well, I am not gonna surrender this place, this one place where I talk about anything I want. So. Before you read on, you are sworn to secrecy. If you read on, I assume that you will not mention a word of this on Facebook. Or hint at it!
Are you still here?
Are you sure you can handle the truth!
Are you super positive that your lips can stay sealed?
Ok. This is it. One last warning.
Ya’ll. I know that I am about to commit a huge sin. I know that I am supposed to keep my frigging mouth shut.
And anyone that has been there can tell you, HA! Good luck!
I can’t not talk about it. It is all I can think about.
Yesterday, I was over at a friend’s house and had to shut my mouth for 3 ½ hours. I barely said a word the entire time for fear that it would escape my lips!!
And so look, I am going to spill my guts, because I must! Forget all the things that could go wrong, because you know what, it just isn’t going to go wrong. I am praying way too hard for anything to go wrong.
Ya’ll, I am pregnant.
It’s a shock that it happened so darned quickly. But! It happened during the marriage time so woohoo, it wasn’t a shotgun wedding!
I am guessing that I am about 3 weeks along. So according to the websites, I am not supposed to tell you until February. Well, I am not telling work and Facebook until then, but holy cow ya’ll!! I AM PREGNANT!!
We are both over the moon!
Crazy. So weird to imagine. So tired yet I am having a hard time sleeping knowing that I am gonna have a kid!
I have been soooo tired. The never-ending sinus infection. I am still a bit drippy, but nothing major, and hasn’t been major for awhile. But the tiredness. Would. Not. Stop. So yesterday was the day I had set a few days earlier. Day to take the test and rule it out. Well, it wasn’t ruled out!
Today I went to the doc who confirmed it.
I never knew how good it would feel to have your life turned upside down. I never knew how good I could feel when I feel like I will fall asleep at any second. I never knew how easy it was to sit on my couch for 2 days and do absolutely nothing nor have any desire to do anything!
Ya’ll. This is awesome.
November 3, 2009
I post a lot. A whole whole bunch.
If you aren't my friend Over There, comment, email, whatevs. Find me and you will hear so much more of my day to day.
Because blogging is so early 2009.
October 7, 2009
I haven't experienced much loss in my time here on this blue planet. I have been extremely fortunate. I haven't had to deal with many heart breaks, sadness, or many deaths. So maybe this is why when they happen they hit me so hard. But then again, when I am reeling like I am from this death, maybe it is just this death. Maybe I would handle a different one, well differently.
One of my best friend's just lost her mom. She is one of a few moms in my life that I am fortunate enough to refer to as another mom to me.
I have been so heartbroken since it happened. I have cried regularly. For my friend, for her family, for me.
Of course, you never recognize how important someone is to you until they are gone. This person has been a near constant in my life for 17 years. She has answered the phone, the door, asked how I have been, provided meals, hugs, been a constant background effect to my friendship with her daughter. I have appreciated her, told her I loved her, hugged her, cared for her during sickness, her daughter's severe injury years ago, her husband's death just over a year ago.
Yet, she was always in the background. As my mother is to me. A constant in life. Yet in the background. I am getting married in mere days now. She stated that she would make my dress, yet I never took her up on it. Now, I long for that opportunity. She wanted me to wear a certain necklace of hers during my wedding, I pray we can find it before we leave for the wedding.
I miss her so acutely, yet she wasn't a part of my day to day, or even week to week.
The lack of her in life is shocking, yet before I went weeks without hearing her voice.
Once again, the importance of appreciating those you love while you can is brought to the forefront. Once again, too late.
I miss you, C.
Posted at 10/07/2009 10:44:00 PM
September 25, 2009
The last couple weeks have been a doozy. I was sick for a good little spell, and my work is absolutely insane.
You know, I really wish that I wasn't worried about being dooced, because there is definitely some good blog fodder in my 8-5 plus a couple hours. Just let me go on the record with 2 points about working with attorneys: 1. Don't work for a female attorney (sorry, sexist as it may be, it is just a bad idea. I have never met a female attorney that I would want to work for. But then again, my boss today said, “You know what?” and my response was, “Chickenbutt?” So maybe I am a bit lax in how I feel a boss should act.) And 2. Fridays in legal are teh Suck. They Suck Chickenbutt. Give me a month of Fridays. Three out of those Fridays are going to include one or more of the following 1. me eating breakfast (cold oatmeal made at 9 AM), at 2 PM; 2. a secretary in tears by 10 AM; or 3. discovering that we missed a super important malpractice worthy deadline.
Today? All three blessed my sweet office manager desk. On top of a no-showing temp working for a female attorney who I then covered for the remainder of the day. Holy crap, ya'll. You wonder why I am drunk blogging right now.
AND ANYHOO (you know, that whole Dooce-able thing)!!! I am dropping lbs. Word to your mom. Today I wore a pair of pants that I bought just comfortable in size several months back. They weren't tight, not loose, just about right. I now need suspenders y'all. I was sporting a whale tail throughout the day without realizing it because my pants were hanging so low. I wish I could find a cool pair of chick suspenders because I would wear them just to show off how these pants so totally Do Not Fit me.
So tonight once I finally get out of my office way late, due to my ridiculous day and my ridiculous week, I went out to dinner all by my lonesome to try and decompress and become a better person that didn't want to shrink my man's head or shoot my dumbass dogs Right In Their Face. I stuffed myself silly with Shrimp Scampi. Holy cow, it was incredible. Since all I had ate up until that point today was about 300 calories, I could afford the calories (oh yes, I am counting calories like a big dog these days!) and oh how I enjoyed them.
So. Then I came home. Stuffed ridiculously full. My PJ's are screaming for me. I pull a tee that I, for disgustingly bloody reasons following my wisdom teeth removal, remember quite vividly despite heavy amounts of pain meds, fit me 3 years ago, but Has Not Fit since, the shirt fits tonight. The shirt fits y'all. And I nearly cried.
To summarize: Work Sucks. Female Attorneys Suck. Fridays in Legal Suck. Shrimp Scampi Freaking Rocks. Working Your Ass Off for 4 Months and Finally Seeing Results – Totally tear worthy.
I am so rocking the Kasbah. I hope your weekend is starting off ever so righteously as well.
Excuse me, I need to refill my glass.
September 3, 2009
August 17, 2009
Crap! It has been 2 weeks since I last posted! I really mean to update more. Yet, I cannot imagine life moving faster, yet I am just a girl with a man and some dogs and cats. If I had kids, how would I even have time to brush my teeth?
Ya'll. I am on Week 5 of the Couch to 5k program. The last day. Which means 20 minutes of straight running.
I have ran it twice so far. The first time was hard. Really really hard. The second time was easier, but still pretty darned tough.
And you know the hard part? Admitting it really isn't so much physical as it is mental. Which is so freaking weird. And AMAZING!!
The first week, the running program was intervals of 60 seconds of jogging. And it was hard. Really beat me down hard. Make me pant and swear and want to cry. Now I can run 5 minutes, 8 minutes and even 10 minutes without dying. I can run 20 minutes taking a few short 30 second breaks. If I could get my mind right, my ass would be full on moving for 20 full minutes.
That is C.R.A.Z.Y.
I cannot praise this program enough. I cannot believe I am about to type this next sentence. I said it last night and got really really confused.
I like running.
Blasphemy. Ya'll. I do not like running. I am not a runner. I hate running. And have since I was a wee child. Yet, I am leaving that sentence all alone, because.... I think it is a true statement.
I haven't lost but 2 pounds since we started this program, what 8 weeks ago? I can't say there is noticeable change in the way my pants fit, but I can tell my body is firming up, I feel much stronger, more durable. Um, what kind of descriptive word is durable for my body?
I know my body will begin shedding weight soon enough. I am working hard. I am running my tail off. I am running until my face is scary red. Until my clothes are soaked through. I wake up most mornings and hobble out of bed, sore, muscles aching.
Yet there is obvious improvement.
I have never in my life. All my 32 11/12 years have ran as far as I am now running.
I am reading books on running. I am reading blogs on running. I am reading websites on running.
Who the hell have I become?
And when will I fit into a size 8 again?
August 3, 2009
Running is hard, I've never enjoyed it. Back in middle school, we had to run around a park which was a square city block. Kaytabug may remember more, but I think we had to do 4 laps around it, or what equaled a mile. We had to complete the run within 12 minutes. I believe we did this once a week. Oh holy hell what torture that day was. I remember dreading it so badly. Even as a mere child, no more than 12 years of age, I could barely run that 12 minute mile.
I have been gaining weight for awhile. When I started this here blog in April 2007, I was over my desired weight by at least 15 pounds. I have added close to another 15 to that since. With a wedding some time in my future, with a closet full of clothes that don’t fit and the refusal to buy the next size up, I knew that I needed to do something. Motivation for that something? Meh.
Somehow, somewhere on my interneting, I came across Couch to 5k. An interval training program for running. Which takes you from the couch, being a fat lazy slug, to running a complete 5k. Without stopping to die. At all. Not even a small quick death.
Do not ask what I was thinking.
Truly, the program itself is pretty darned cool. The podcasts I am using play music and Robert Ullrey comes on to tell you when to run or walk. You run every other day, I have been doing Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. After the 3 runs, you move up to the next podcast. A bit tougher each week to get you ready to run a complete 5k without stopping once. Just to die. I just want to stop a few times to die. But it is not allowed.
It is getting tougher each week, although srsly! It has been tough the entire time. Now though, the runs are getting longer. And I am well into the program. Way too far in to quit because my mind does not allow me to quit. Anything. So in order to power through, I have taken up reading some running websites, some blogs, etc. Every website discusses running being an amazing mental endeavor. One quote being that running is 90% mental and the rest is all in your head. Har har har.
But come on, seriously, could I get some assistance? I need some help. How do you get yourself through an exhausting, painful run that you hate with the hatred of a 1,000 hate-filled haters?
Physically the run is painful, but mentally it is so much worse. If you think you will fail at something or that you are not capable of doing something, I can promise you that you are right. It is extremely difficult to keep motivated when you don’t think you can do something. Yet, telling yourself to ignore your stupid, fat, whiny body is super difficult as well. My body keeps telling my mind that I can’t do it. And my mind has a strong tendency to believe my body. Which I cannot allow it to do.
One helpful thing I have found through my quest for help with this running BS, is from one of my standard bloggy reads. Tess says it so well, “I've never finished a workout and said to myself, I wish I hadn't done that”.
Which is so true, I've never regretted running, once I'm done with it. Although I may feel like complete crap during the workout, I've always felt good that I finished the workout, proud of myself for showing up and doing it.
I have made myself a promise, what I am calling a Half Year Resolution. Well 2 actually, but only one that matters for this blog post. I will continue running for the remainder of the year. I will finish this running program and keep at it. Keep running throughout the year. Because I said so.
Any motivation techniques would be greatly appreciated. And check out the Couch to 5K. I really do like the program. When I am not hating it.
P.S. Tess also wrote the bestest post ever on Jon & Kate's breakup...not really about them, more importantly about flicking. Read it. I am consciously avoiding flicking my dear Not Craig. It is like a PSA for relationships.
June 6, 2009
Tell me... have you ever thought...of changing your life?
You confide that you are not happy. You don’t like how he treats you, how he talks to you. You don’t like who you are becoming.
You claim to be miserable and want to change. But you continue to drink until you pass out. You continue to never leave your house. You continue to ignore repeated invitations from family.
You say you hate your job. You wish you were doing something more challenging. You are mad about the pay cut.
You are sick of your daughter acting out. You wish she would listen when you tell her to do something. You wish she would quit throwing tantrums.
Tell me... have you ever thought...of changing your life?
I know you are scared. You don’t know how to start. You don’t know how to do it. You are scared you will fail. That things will be worse. That things might actually get better.
But do you really want to stay where you are at. Living like you have been. I know you want more. I know that you wish you could figure out how to change it all.
You don’t see what I see. What so many others see. You have the strength. You have proved that countless times since I met you.
I know that you can do it. I just wish I knew how to make each of you see that.
(The first line was stolen from the play, Betrayal, by Harold Pinter.)
This is another entry in Grace's Stolen Line's project.
My previous entries can be found Here and Here.
May 21, 2009
1. My job has been making me work very, very hard. It is not very nice of them and really screws up my blog reading and writing time, my Facebook quiz taking time, my Twittering, and my staring out my window time.
2. Dogs are really destructive. I am lucky I guess because my dogs don’t really destroy too many of my personal items, such as shoes, hairclips, purses, underwear, but they destroy my backyard. Dig holes, eat air conditioner lines, chew on hoses, and eat the wooden fence. They also escape into my neighbor’s yard and then escape into the street from there. Bad Puppy. Grow bigger please.
3. It would be much easier to lose weight if beer wasn’t so tasty.
4. I am not looking forward to summer because I have drank too much beer and ate too many chips over the past year. I am really looking forward to summer because I can drink beer and eat chips on my patio.
5. I have spent lots of time out in my yard recently. Scooping poop, fixing air conditioners, refilling holes and planting lots of plants. My hair is getting natural highlights as a result. I like this.
6. I wonder where my blog vibe went. And then I don’t really care because I don’t miss it. And then I think of how I really miss sharing my life here. And then I go check Facebook and forget.
7. I went to a Lasik consultation today. My vision. Ha. I am blind. If there is anyone out there that has worse vision than .525 or -5.25 ... whatever, you win a prize.
8. I am not sure what to do with my flex/cafeteria dollars now. I have lots of money to burn and no medical procedure to burn it on. Invisalign maybe? Boob surgery is not an acceptable expenditure, btw.
9. I don’t watch American Idol, but I heard something really big happened. But it happened to a guy who wears more makeup than I do. So I don’t really care. I stopped caring when Poison stopped playing together.
10. That is pretty pathetic to end my list with American Idol and Poison.
April 16, 2009
Living an online life, whether it be on a blog, Facebook, twitter, Plurk, MySpace, etc, etc and so on and so forth, can be a challenge.
For me, I have separated my blog from my Facebook, my twitter from Myspace, and plurk, yea, whatevs, I failed at that one.
I have 2 different identities – my blog, twitter and plurk life and then my Facebook, Myspace and real life life.
Only 2 people know about all of these. One lives with me and one has known me since I weighed no more than 25 pounds.
But yesterday, my careful separation failed me. I obviously used an email address that I shouldn’t have used.
One of my real life friends found my Twitter. And on my Twitter, until this morning, was my blog address. And in my Twitter comments, I know I have posted links here and there to my blog.
Whoops. I am a dumbass.
I talk candidly here. I say things that I want to keep secret from some folks in my real life. Not because I am dishing dirt or saying things I shouldn’t or sharing life secrets, just that this is where I vent. This is where I say stupid crap without worry that someone is gonna try and commit me. This is where I show what a complete and total fool I can be.
I love this person that found my Twitter. I do. She is an awesome person that I am candid with on most everything. Howevs, I really really don’t want to have to worry about other folks finding me.
I don’t want to think that my mom is reading this page. Or my ex-boyfriend, or the bartender at my local Cheers. I don’t want to censor everything here. And boy howdy, I didn’t censor my archives and I really don’t want words I have laid out in the past with a sense of privacy, misconstrued in the present, under different circumstances.
Therefore, girlie, if you found me, please, please, let’s keep this between you and me. I would really really supercallafragilistically appreciate it.
(And to the peeps that read this and don't know me in real life, Hi! How ya doing? Been awhile, huh? How are the kids? How is your job? Oh this weather, sure is crazy, huh?
March 12, 2009
I grew up in a “traditional” home. God-fearing parents who sent us off to church on Sunday. Raised strictly by parents who may have had occasional marital problems, but worked through them out of love for each other, for my sister and I, and because they simply knew no other way than to stay married.
Though they had my sister when they were just out of high school, they strove to raise my sister and I with certain values. Honesty, humility, sincerity, courage.
Hard work and personal responsibility were driven into us. A requirement.
Thrift was a necessity as we did not have much money growing up. Gratitude for what we did have was taught over each meal, each gift we received.
Charity was never discussed. We didn’t volunteer or donate money. Charity was in our hearts. If someone needed a place to stay, they stayed over. If someone needed something, we shared what we had.
Now that I am older, about to marry and am thinking about children, I have come to believe in certain principles.
1. America is good.
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
6. I have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.
I don’t believe many people can disagree with the values and principles recited above. The government, over the last 50 years has encroached on these values and principles. It has pushed against our freedoms and have sanctioned actions that I simply find deplorable.
This is not a fight against Obama, or the Democrats, or the Republicans. This is a fight against the government as a whole encroaching on our lives.
It is time America started standing up for itself. We have cowered too long in silence as our renegade government has enslaved us more and more each day. We have to take action, and this may very well be the first step.
I encourage you to take action, and go to one of the many meet-ups that are being organized to view this program. Take that first step, and acquaint yourselves with your fellow citizens who still give a damn about this country and what’s right.
There is strength in numbers and in the unification of people with a common cause.
February 23, 2009
I have been so involved with the minutiae of life that I haven’t had a spare moment to type up anything to bring this sucker up to date.
I know this minutia of life is so tedious, and irritating, and boring, but it is the minutia that makes up life.
The day to day is where we frame our lives. It may just be grocery shopping, dog walking, working out, scrubbing floors, folding laundry, but I spend most of my time in this manner.
The minutia is my life.
Of course, there are big moments, important moments, moments I will remember much longer and larger than scrubbing the kitchen floor, but the day to day shouldn’t be taken for granted. Or hurried. It should be enjoyed just like the huge moments of life.
How I treat the day to day, and those with whom I spend my day to day is what makes up the person I am.
In the end, I may not remember the day to day minutiae, but I will remember if I was happy in my day to day. And others will remember if I was loving in my day to day.
Don’t take it for granted. Even if it is just scooping poop.
Ok, maybe that is ok to take for granted, but not the puppy that pooped it out. (…lol…)
February 10, 2009
"Ghosts definitely live here," I say.
I remember to the right is where my friend used to live. I would pick her up and we would go to the bar right there. Walking around looking to meet some guys.
That bar. Packed full of ghosts. Overflowing with them. Ghosts of a past where I was much more reckless, barely recognizable to this person I am now. Many, many, many nights spent drinking there, with friends who have since moved far away, and have stayed close, who have gotten married, had kids, stayed single, and those that still go to the bar, like no time has passed at all. Good memories, bad memories. Ghosts I welcome in my thoughts, ghosts I try very hard to forget.
Memories of the neighborhood party house remembered as I drive by, on my way to the grocery store, or Wal-Mart. Memories of a past life, with past friends collide with the mundane errands of this life.
Another house off another street. Where my ex used to live in this past life. His parents’ house? Just turn right there.
My parents lived down that road to your left. I never visited them, even though I lived just 20 minutes away. Regrets remembered as they now live 5 hours away.
The boarded-up grocery store where old ghosts/friends and I once attempted to buy beer at 10:00 A.M. Refused, we walked back to that ghost filled house down the street where I used to live.
I run into ghosts, while shopping, at fast food restaurants, at the library. Every where I turn, I fear running into someone from my past. Running into someone who remembers that all these ghosts exist, while I think of the ghost that they are.
In my present life, where the ghosts don’t exist, where they are shuffled back, away, in the deep recesses of a sometimes regret-filled, sometimes happy memory, I forgot all these ghosts existed. It was not until we bought the house, moved in, got comfortable, did the ghosts reappear. They hid out, never surfacing before the decision was made. Now, they are everywhere I go. Inescapable. Omnipresent.
I spent years away from this part of town, from this city even. Making new memories and meeting new people, who are now ghosts that exist in different spots and different states. Moving back to this area, has resurrected hundreds of ghosts, in every corner. I can’t hide from them.
Ghosts definitely live here, but now, so do I. I must make peace with the ghosts. Good and bad ghosts. They are in the past, but they are also a big part of me.
This is a part of Grace's experiment. I stole the first line of this post from You'll Never Eat Lunch in This town Again, by Julia Phillips.
February 9, 2009
Yesterday, on one of my 20 trips up and down the stairs to keep the dog from eating out of the litterbox, the dog stepped in front of me and I not so gracefully sprained my ankle trying to catch myself.
I was in such pain, began crying, and the stupid, evil dog, came running up to me and crawled into my lap, despite the path to the litterbox now being clear and there being no way I was going to stop him seeing that I was bawling from the searing pain in my ankle.
He sure can be sweet sometimes. Usually it is while he is sleeping though.
February 1, 2009
A couple years back when I had my wisdom teeth removed, although I was totally out of my gourd, I was conscious throughout the entire process. When the surgery was over, I distinctly remember the look on the doctor’s face. He looked worn, he wiped his brow, took a deep breath and just sat back in awe of all he had accomplished. In my mouth. (That’s what he said). He looked tired and a bit surprised.
I went home and nearly died for 4 days before I had to go back to work. The right side of my face swelled up to the size of a grapefruit. I didn’t eat anything but mashed potatoes and mac and cheese from KFC for a month because I could barely fit a spoon in my mouth, much less chew. About 2 weeks after the surgery, I returned to the doctor who was extremely pleased to see me and the results. He was thrilled that I was ok.
BECAUSE! When I left his office the day of the surgery, he wasn’t overly confident of the whole affair.
It just so happened that I had a huge nerve wrapped all around the roots of my wisdom tooth.
He had to break up the tooth and gingerly pick out the pieces, praying that he didn’t sever the nerve. He was a bit freaked out after the surgery, hoping that he hadn’t damaged my face. To his credit, he didn’t.
I have been having problems off and on since my days in New Mexico. When Not Craig and I were working our butts off trying to run 5 miles non-stop (a goal which has never ever happened), I injured myself.
The pain would go away, but it would return if I started working out again, or if I crossed my legs, or if I fell asleep on my right side or if it was Tuesday.
It just kept reoccurring.
Not Craig has been telling me to go to the doctor since it started. I hate doctors. I hate waiting, I hate explaining my problem and I hate having to recall when my last period was even though I am there for a sore throat because, ahem, those 2 areas are NOT related.
Recently, I have been walking the dog twice a day, averaging about a mile and a half each walk. I would alternate running with walking in order to try to wear the dog out. Which is another post in itself because, hello, his breed herds sheep all day long, how is one human going to possibly provide a challenge to him.
When I woke up on Thursday, the old pain was back. It was mild, but it was there. I persisted and walked Colt that morning, but bowed out on the evening walk. Friday, I woke up and walked Colt with pain, lots o’ pain. Friday during the day, I went to the doctor. Finally, after a year and a half. I hurt.
The doctor took about 2 minutes of listening to me, rubbing my butt (which I am not so sure was as much a diagnostic tool as a girl-on-girl feel up) and diagnosed me.
Piriformis. My muscle is intertwined with my sciatic nerve. 10% of the population have this particular set up.
Seriously, it is otherwise known as Deep Buttock Syndrome. Ya’ll I wish I was just making this up. Fo Realz. Insert all the jokes you wish, Not Craig and I could use some new ones.
And plus? This condition is chronic. I can try to prevent it or minimize it, but I am officially diagnosed with a chronic condition of old lady-dom. I also can now be all crotchy and complain how my sciatica is killing me.
Point being, I have two nerve issues that are rare in the general populace.
Does anyone know of any other weird nerve issues where the nerves aren’t where they should be? I assume all my nerves are misplaced at this point and would like to have something specific to freak out about.
January 19, 2009
The most sure-fire way to ensure I will not accomplish something is to tell people that I will do it.
Logically, the exact opposite would occur. I would feel responsible to complete the project, go to the whatever, buy the widget, see the movie, write the blog post. However, in reality, if I tell you I will do something, I won’t do it.
Several weeks back, I said that I had a post to write about the thrills of homeownership. Of course, I never wrote it.
However, due to my new to-do listing, I keep being confronted by the fact that I owe the internets a blog post regarding the big hole in my backyard. I have pictures of it. I have thoughts and angry funny comments stewing in my brain, yet my stubborn side doesn’t want to put it down on paper.
Instead, let’s talk about this to-do list project.
First off, I am a major stress-aholic.
I take on way too many things and then freak out about them.
If my home, life, car, relationship, pets, clothes, backyard, aren’t in tip top shape, I worry about them.
If there is something I can worry about, I will.
I always have things on my mind. Things I MUST COMPLETE NOW OR DIE. Things I MUST CLEAN OR DIE. Things I MUST DO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT OR DIE.
I may be a bit psychotic. (If Not Craig is reading, I would appreciate your silence. K.Thx.Bai.)
I also read a lot of blogs. And some of those blogs frequently mention, Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity. A book - slash - way of organizing - slash - living by David Allen.
Recently, the stress of buying a home, planning a wedding, having a puppy that likes to destroy furniture, clothing and various cleaning implements all while peeing on my brand new floors 10 times a day, became a bit much for me. I decided to check out the book.
Of course, like any internet addict would do, I also googled “GTD” as it is known by its followers (yea, fo realz, I swear it has a cult following.) and read many, many things about it.
I then began to use one of the most highly recommended applications.
Remember The Milk: this is an online to-do list. You can email to-do’s to the list, you can have daily reminders emailed to you, you can set the tasks to recur on whatever frequency you so desire, you can postpone, you can organize your to-do’s into all sorts of lists. It is an incredibly useful tool.
I began using RTM like mad. Adding all sorts of tasks. Things big like “Plan a wedding” and things small like “Watch Glenn Beck 1/19 on Fox” Important events like changing the air filters in my house and fertilizing the lawn and getting the dog his shots. The ever-critical items like dusting the tops of my kitchen cabinets. I have been adding huge tasks and ridiculous minutiae to my RTM page.
Then, as is my modus operandi, I worried that maybe I wasn’t listing all the things I needed to remember. I thought of a ton of things while driving home from work. What about those tasks?
The point of GTD [for die-hard GTD’ers, I am a newbie, so I will be oversimplifying I am sure (for non-GTD’ers, see it is a cult – I am fearful of being caught and exposed for my lack of GTDing-ness.)] is to get things out of your head and onto a list of action items, any little task, idea, desire, needs to be captured so it is not swimming in your brain, making you panic at the thought of forgetting the thought. So before I even finished the first chapter of GTD, I thought I was going to be a big failure because I wasn’t capturing the items that happened to occur to me when I was over 2.5 feet from a computer (which only occurs during my commute, because I have an illness.)
In order to stop the panic attacks, I searched for something to capture these driving induced to-do’s and I found Reqall. Which may very well be 100x greater than sliced bread AND New Kids on the Block combined.
You call ReQall. And speak, tell them what is worrying you, what amazing task you must accomplish, like “Look for Yoda’s vet records and ensure that she will not die due to being vaccinated 10 days late.” Then Reqall transcribes what you said and emails it to you, so you can add it to your to-do list.
I know I am sounding like such a freak already, but I swear, this is a true story. One night I got home and checked my email to find 10 Reqall messages from myself. Ya’ll, I live 20 miles from my office. I apparently called in tasks every 2 miles.
The super awesome added bonus to Reqall is that if you don’t speak clearly, or have an accent, or a static-y connection, Reqall provides built in entertainment. Apparently, I need to write a blog post on the poll on the arts and remember to take TV dinner store tomorrow.
All in all, this freakish behavior of mine is getting my life organized, my head is feeling less full of stress and garbage and overall worry about ensuring that I check the whirlpool tub's shutoff system three months from now.
I haven’t instituted most of the GTD actions, primarily, because I haven’t read more than half the book yet. However, perhaps, the action of reading about organizing my life, has created a calm in me. Simply getting all the craziness out of my head and into a nice little program that I can check at work and at home, at 3:00 AM and 3:00 PM, has helped me chill a bit.
I will keep you posted on how I do with GTD in the future. If I join the cult and if they have a cool handshake or maybe robes. And by saying I will keep you posted, I mean you will never hear me talk about this again.
January 7, 2009
I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.
He had asked if there was a chance that we would get back together. After hemming and hawing, standing in the entryway to Kohl’s, waiting for this call to be over, I said, “Maybe. I just need some time. To figure out if this is what I even want anymore.” Little did he know that I had already bought furniture for my new apartment, an apartment that he didn’t know I had leased. I was moving on, trying to shop for new clothes for my new life without him, while he asked questions that I couldn’t bring myself to answer with honesty.
The next few weeks were difficult given we were in the same apartment, living completely different lives. Well, no, the new reality wasn’t that different. We had been living different existences for some time. After six years together, we were staying in separate bedrooms since I had a 9-5’er and he was working at a bar at night. Once every couple weeks, we may have shared a bed. Only to have one of us get up in the middle of the night and go to the couch or the other bedroom, unable to sleep with the intrusion of a near stranger into our personal space. We lived on different planes, shared friends who would tell me what this man, who was living under the same roof, hoping to live the same life as me, what he was up to. We rarely talked on the phone. We didn’t have anything to say to each other. The only remaining thing we had in common was a rent check, our dirty laundry, touching more frequently than we did.
I never gave him the right answer, the honest answer, the answer he deserved. My actions spoke for me. I moved out, I stopped answering his calls. He was not the future I wanted anymore. I didn’t know how to express this to him without hurting him so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have the right answer, the one that he wanted.
This is a part of Grace's experiment. The first two sentences were stolen from Night of the Avenging Blowfish, by John Welter.
January 4, 2009
I know I said I had a post today. This is Not it.
This is a complain-y post written right before I go to bed.
Raising a puppy is a pain in the rear.
He has been ever so trying this weekend.
We thought he was so very house-trained. Shocked in fact, the first couple days.
Lies. It was all lies. Deceit. Perpetrated by that evil tiny thing in order to make us believe he was good. When in fact, he is an evil pee-er.
May I take a break from this complaint to praise the homebuilder for putting tile on the bottom floor of our home.
Thank you. I heart the tile.
However, to return to the complaining, I cleaned up puppy pee 7 times yesterday. 7 spots.
Let me repeat.
Seven times in one day.
After a perfect first week, he is warming up to us, getting comfortable and letting loose.
Don't get me wrong, he is still really cute. And can be very sweet.
The constant training. A drain.
Beyond being on constant Pee Watch, we are not allowing him upstairs due to the cats, litterboxes, and wall to wall carpeting.
We don't have a baby gate there, and it is extremely hard to put one there due to the stair railing being open, and the cats knocking it over, so I am trying to teach him it is off limits.
He runs halfway up the stairs, to the landing halfway up the stairs. I chase after him, saying "No" in my stern voice, and "Down" I stomp on the stairs to make noise that will startle him.
After running up the stairs 74 times, he understands that he is not to be there. It is off limits. But he still wants to sniff cat butt, so he persists, hoping not to be caught. However, due to my newly attuned dog watching abilities (see 7 puddles in one day), I have seen him and have ran after him.
We have done this, I swear, at least 70 times this weekend. He has the idea, "I am not allowed up there," he gets that. Yet he can't stop himself from pursuing cat ass.
I understand the allure. Well, no. Not really, but whatevs, he is a dog. Albeit the purported smartest breed Ever. (Don't trust me, Wiki says so.)
I know, I know. He is a baby that requires lots of training. I have been to the library, I have books. I am working on it.
But oh my, I fully and totally get my reluctance to get a dog. Cats are soooo easy. They require zilch zero training. Their mothers teach them how to use the litter box. Then you May have to train them to stay off the table/counters, but that is it.
Dogs - you have to train every little detail. Their ability to destroy shoes, shirts, furniture, knick knacks, cats....you have to work with them every waking moment to ensure they aren't hellions.
Please bear with me. There are sure to be many many more posts of this nature.
Oh, and his name is Colt. Colt McTrouble Last Name Omitted to Protect the Innocent.
January 3, 2009
I wrote this days ago. And then the topic of my next post occurred and I was without internet. I will have the next post up tomorrow or 3 weeks from now if the internet fails me again. So yea, the post was timely, posting was not. It ain’t my fault.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Got engaged, bought a house. These will be recurring themes on this list. Sorry, 10 months of the year were kinda slow.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I have no idea. If I made any resolutions it has been 365 days since I made them. I don’t know what I did yesterday so, maybe we should be moving on.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister being at the top of the list. No, wait. The kid is a year and a half, which would make it impossible for my sister to have spawned in 2008. So scratch that. Unless she had a child that she hid from us. So in that case, yea.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My BFF’s father. In a horrible awful accident that brings tears to my eyes as I type this. That really, really sucked. Her family is doing remarkably well given the craptastic hand 2008 dealt.
5. What countries did you visit?
Jamaica. Loved it. Definitely would return.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Size 8 jeans on my ass.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
January 16 – the date that I got Not Craig a job in Houston. Just 3 months after I made the scary decision to go back to Houston without him, thinking it would be at least July before his coming to Houston was even a possibility.
Early September - The entire week of Jamaica. Which now upon doing a review of my blog, I find that I didn’t discuss the actual trip much, except the huge bruise I received. Given all the hurricane related posts around that time period, I completely forgot. I blame Ike. Which I guess means those damn hurricanes may be etched into my memory.
November 23 – I got engaged to my best friend.
December 8 – We closed on our first house.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Convincing this awesome guy that I was so cool that he should spend the rest of his life with me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being nice to Not Craig every day.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Back issues related to my driving like a dumbass.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
The house. I may say the puppy in a couple months. But he peed on my carpet last night, so he is not at the top of the list.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Not Craig’s. He put up with me and still wanted to marry me. I am pretty sure he is taking drugs.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My own a fair amount of the time.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Have you ever put a down payment on a house?
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Have you seen the days etched in my memory up there. I think all of those are extreme excitement worthy.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
In Your Eyes. Not Craig was super cool and played that when he asked if I would be his forever.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? .Lots happier
b) thinner or fatter? Lots fatter
c) richer or poorer? Lots poorer, but working on building that nest egg back up.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Slept. This has been one helluva exhausting ride.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Ate. Complained. Paid attention to the Britney Spears saga.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Already done. I put together a million piece playset. It was an extremely bad idea.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
22. How many one-night stands?
23. What was your favorite TV program?
I would prefer to say Heroes. But somehow I always missed it. The only shows I really saw were The Dog Whisperer and House Hunters.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Election years are a bit tumultuous. And then this whole economic BS. Hate is a strong word….
25. What was the best book you read?
I did a very poor job on completing my reading list this year. Oops.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
IDK. My BFF Rose?
27. What did you want and get?
Love and happiness.
28. What did you want and not get?
Is it wrong of me to not have anything to say to this. I think I got darned near every single thing a girl could want.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I know I saw lots of movies…but I have no idea what they were. I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about on the drive home from the theater immediately after watching it. I do however now the phone numbers of all my friends growing up 20 years ago. My brain works in mysterious ways.
30. What did you do on your birthday?
Looking back, it appears that I freaked out about a hurricane hitting Jamaica. Amazingly, all that worrying didn’t move the damned hurricane. I believe there is a lesson there.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Space travel. Or a caramel apple.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
LMAO! ROFLMAO. Thrift store chic? 1996 coolness. I have never been stylish. Ever. Nope. Not me.
33. What kept you sane?
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Election year. What a stupid question.
36. Who did you miss?
Family. My BFF’s Dad. Most recently, Cass.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Yikes. I am such a hermit. This is bad. I am going to have to say that stupid dog that is whining in the background. Because I haven’t met anyone new. I must get out more.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Nothing in life is more important than spending time with those you love. Even if that time is at Wal-Mart.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump.