Homebound

Our household currently has 4 vehicles at our disposal. My Corolla. His truck. His motorcycle, that I can’t drive because it weighs as much as my Corolla. And now his official company car, which of course, I can’t drive, because he needs that job so I can sit around and play with the cats all day. So, between two people, we have four vehicles. Four. So…you may wonder why I am homebound, unable to go anywhere, am discovering our town does not have taxi service and am scheduling USPS to pick up all my Ebay packages. That would be because I am an expert, near genius level, at breaking vehicles.

So, let’s start with my dear Corolla. I love that car. She has been very good to me for a number of years. I, on the other hand, have not been kind to her. She has waited patiently for new brakes for some time. They were on her Christmas list last year, but Santa only brought coal (of course, mixed with a bit of ethanol and all in a liquid form). She again asked for brake pads for Valentine’s Day, President’s Day, Easter and Flag Day. I am a true wench. And well, my dear Rolla finally had enough. She has decided to protest my horrible treatment in the form of the loudest screech and grinding that you have heard. So…she is parked.

Ok, Vehicle #2. I begin driving the man’s truck due to the Corolla’s temper tantrum. Big hulking truck that it is. It sure served me well when I needed it for the motherload. It served me well when I had to make numerous trips to various fast food establishments this weekend. And when I needed to deliver packs of Jolt! Gum, beef jerky and Cokes to its rightful owner. The truck was wonderful. It cared for me just like his owner would. But, apparently, it heard that smack I talk. Maybe I discussed how it was so big and inconvenient for me. Or perhaps how I hope my car gets fixed soon. Or, the theory I am going with for now, how his daddy, my dear, was going to park it, in exchange for the company car that was soon to be bequeathed. It decided to exact revenge. And not start.

So, these delivery missions I had been pursuing were ongoing from Saturday morning until Sunday or technically Monday at 1 A.M. My Baby Truck Daddy had a very very very very important work deal-i-o. He did not have the time to run to the gas station across the street for Jolt reinforcements. He needed sustenance in the form of Quarter Pounders. And a back massage every few hours. I am a good woman, so I delivered. Of course, until I broke the 2 vehicles that were in my care.

So…what is a girl to do? Well….have you ever driven a vehicle without using the brakes? You should try it sometime…it is fun…but don’t let a cop see you running all those lights and pretending to California stop, because when you are going 10 mph, I don’t think you can claim it is a California stop. My recommendations, be very aware of the roads where you are driving and typical traffic patterns, look far ahead and try to time the lights and other vehicles in your way. And most importantly, have your hand on the parking brake to slow down as needed and in case of emergency.

Yes…I did it to my poor car. Twice. I am a wench. Once for a Sonic run. And then at 1 A.M., a McD’s, and Jolt from the Gas station run.

Now kids, these were dire circumstances. This presentation had the ability to make or break our future here. He stayed up all night, came home at 5 A.M. to shower and change, just to go back to work and give the presentation to the big wigs that had driven into town just for him, without a lick of sleep.

Now, his loving girlfriend, who had taken care of all his needs the night before, let him come home and fall asleep as soon as possible, right?

No. Remember - I am a wench. We were not sure if it was a battery issue or a starter issue or the alternator. What was the deal on the whole truck not starting? So I, leery of the lack of transport, and needing a vehicle for the interview I had today (ha, snuck that in, didn’t I!), made him remove the battery from his dead truck and test it. It was ok. A waste of time and the last reserve of energy he was able to muster from his right pinky toe.

Sleep was then permitted. It was a 14 hour sleep. And he woke up very refreshed today. And dropped me off for an awesome interview, and then picked me up again once it was completed.

What a man! I may just let him replace the starter tomorrow, instead of today. Hmmm….maybe not…I really want another Vanilla Rootbeer from Sonic!