October 7, 2009

Goodbye, Sugar.

I haven't experienced much loss in my time here on this blue planet. I have been extremely fortunate. I haven't had to deal with many heart breaks, sadness, or many deaths. So maybe this is why when they happen they hit me so hard. But then again, when I am reeling like I am from this death, maybe it is just this death. Maybe I would handle a different one, well differently.

One of my best friend's just lost her mom. She is one of a few moms in my life that I am fortunate enough to refer to as another mom to me.

I have been so heartbroken since it happened. I have cried regularly. For my friend, for her family, for me.

Of course, you never recognize how important someone is to you until they are gone. This person has been a near constant in my life for 17 years. She has answered the phone, the door, asked how I have been, provided meals, hugs, been a constant background effect to my friendship with her daughter. I have appreciated her, told her I loved her, hugged her, cared for her during sickness, her daughter's severe injury years ago, her husband's death just over a year ago.

Yet, she was always in the background. As my mother is to me. A constant in life. Yet in the background. I am getting married in mere days now. She stated that she would make my dress, yet I never took her up on it. Now, I long for that opportunity. She wanted me to wear a certain necklace of hers during my wedding, I pray we can find it before we leave for the wedding.

I miss her so acutely, yet she wasn't a part of my day to day, or even week to week.

The lack of her in life is shocking, yet before I went weeks without hearing her voice.

Once again, the importance of appreciating those you love while you can is brought to the forefront. Once again, too late.

I miss you, C.

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