Retrospective Introspective

This coming weekend is the ROT Rally . The largest bike rally in Texas descends on the streets of Austin. I may not seem like a biker chick, but I have been the last 2 years. Not “TO” them, per se, but in the city at the time. I am a bit disappointed that I will not be here this year.

Two years ago, I had just been promoted to the administrative chieftain of Busy Law Firm. Due to reasons I really don’t feel comfortable putting here, I did not have any assistance in the transition. I was plopped into the job with no training, no instructions, just thumped into a steaming ocean of invoices, billing and payroll. I was just a tad overwhelmed.

I have various ways to explain this next portion. At first, I always relayed that I was just a crazy Type A person that felt that having a brand new career dropped on me with no instruction wasn’t enough stress, I had to bring on more to make my crazy overstressed brain happy with the over the limit stressing. As time passes, as my once dormant religious side is starting to wake up, I now realize that I was being pushed into changing my life. Since I am a crazy linker here, here is a link that describes the process that I feel took place, quite well.

At the time, I was in a relationship of 6 years. A lot had happened in those 6 years, I had gone from being a hard-partying college student/waitress to a paralegal at a prestigious law firm. I had gone from falling asleep at 6 A.M. to waking up at that time. I went from a huge pile of debt to a modest amount of savings. I had metamorphosized into what I thought might be close to an adult. The other party to that relationship hadn’t undergone any changes. He remained stagnant through the years, same job, same schedule, same same same.

On Memorial Day Weekend, I woke up Saturday morning, went furniture shopping, bought a living room set from Mattress Mac . I then drove home and broke off the six-year relationship. I have to say that the night before, I did not know I was going to do any of this. I was unhappy, I was stressed out, some things had happened in his life that caused me great trouble, and I had been working 12 hour days. I was exhausted, went to sleep, woke up, decided that I did not have a choice, I knew what had to be done and I set out to do it. I feel that the furniture purchase was just a way to make sure I went through with it. Tangible proof of what had to be done.

The next week was very difficult, we were still living in the same apartment, I was working like crazy, it was madness. I intended to work that coming weekend to try and figure out how to do my job, because people apparently like to be paid, vendors like to receive payments and the Coke machine CANNOT BE OUT OF DIET COKES!!!! I had a lot on my plate. My friend was going to Austin to take a Massage Therapy Licensing test and if she passed, she was gonna become a certified masseuse master. She had asked me to come several weeks earlier, before my entire life turned upside down. I told her no mid-week, I had too much work to do, needed to find an apartment, needed to do the cat lottery to see who got what cat, etc., etc. Friday, I decided to go. I went home after work, packed some clothes, and drove to Austin. Met up with her, we got beautified for a night out and hit Sixth Street. (Actually Fourth to begin with…) We started at Foundation, a bar where she knew the owner. We walk in, got a drink, wandered around, spied some seats. And we sat. When she went to get another round, this guy sitting next to us said hello, and asked my name. His name was Craig. We started chatting. My friend came back, and we all continued to chat. It was already midnight, there were a few other bars that she knew the owners/bartenders/doormen…(I bet she knows someone related to everyone that reads this!) So I ask Craig to join us. And he agrees. We hit up The Library and then Treasure Island. At Treasure Island, the person my friend knows there gives us copious amounts of Jager bombs. We were feeling really good. Well, 2 A.M. has to hit eventually and as we are saying our goodbyes, I get Craig’s number, find out I completely misunderstood him that his name is NOT Craig. We program the proper names and spellings of each other into our respective cell phones and are about to split up. And we kissed. And now 2 years later, we live in Oil Capital, New Mexico with the 2 cats that won the lottery drawing.

I now believe that God was pushing me to the path I am currently on. He woke me up that Saturday morning (2 years ago yesterday) and sent me off to Mattress Mac. He told me that my future was in Austin, not in some office building in downtown Houston. He has led me on this path. Although people are going to say that I made those decisions, I have always firmly held that I did not have a choice that Saturday morning, there was nothing else for me to do but what I did. It did not even seem like a conscious decision that I made, just something that had to be done that day. Much like the laundry.

And I am extremely grateful.