September 25, 2007

This Post is Brought to You by the Letter Wack

Something odd is amiss at Big Lawyers, Inc.

Months ago, when I left the firm, a strange behavior was coming to light in one of the secretaries. Several times a week, the late staying crowd would receive a call from her once she had left. And we would be asked to ensure that she had unplugged her heater.

First, a heater? A heater? We work in an office. We are nestled from the harsh freezing weather of Houston proper by inches of glass and many, many floors of concrete. And Houston weather? We hope to see 50 degrees once or twice a year. And maybe for more than 2 hours this time, please. And hi, we are in an office, these are Not Difficult Working conditions. Ok, fine, she is a skinny little thing, she does not have The Warming Flesh to keep her insulated.

So, beyond the whole silly cold issue, a bit of OCD was showing its face. But we said, “Yes, dear, I will go ensure that the heater is off”. Again.

So now I have returned from the barren desert. And now, months later? The girl has wised up; she isn’t calling folks anymore to ask if she had turned her heater off. That is definitely an improvement. Wait, no it isn’t. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.

Every day at 5 PM, she strolls past my office, clutching this heater, moving it to her friend’s cube. Clear across the office from her desk, so she can properly sleep at night, knowing that her heater is not plugged in. Every day. And every morning, she goes back, retrieves the heater and takes it to her desk.

Now, this is odd enough to me.

But what gets me here, the real crux of my complaint is that the folks that work alongside her each day are fully accepting of her craziness. And don’t make fun of her. Don’t tell her to man up. We just accept her brand of crazy and allow her to wander the halls with her heater.

We are told to accept differences. Because there are no losers, no freaks, no oddities. We are all equal, no one is weak. We are all wonderful, beautiful people.

NO, WE ARE NOT! Some of us are ugly, and some of us are fat, and some are really stupid, some smell and some are pompous asses that no one wants to be friends with.

And we should make fun of the weirdness among us. You want to make fun of someone because they still wear stonewashed jeans, and they want to make fun of you, because you have funny hair. They want to laugh at you for wearing Christmas socks and you want to point out how their kids are funny looking. We are all weird and have weird quirks and weird clothes and weird accents.

I hate that we aren’t supposed to make fun of people anymore. Political corrected-ness is definitely a creation of Mahmoud Ahbme@nigi6ih%qxajsfad, that crazy dude from Iran. Because they don’t have nukes, homos, or OCD crazies.

Well, whatever, maybe he isn’t to blame, but I bet she has Restless Legs Syndrome, too.


jagular said...

OMG. I just totally fell in love with you. LOL.
The stonewashed jeans. The Christmas socks. Mahmoud Ahmedidadib, the nukeless wonderboy.
And the Restless Legs Syndrome.

Don't feel bad. You are not alone.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.

Sauntering Soul said...

Stop Fianna! Oh the crazy ex boss used to call me every single day and tell me to check her heater.

This was so funny!

bermudabluez said...

Hey Fianna, just got here by way of Kaytabug....your stories are absolutely hilarious!!! I'll be back!! You are funny, girl!!

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