There are many awesome things about being a chick. Being able to pee sitting down. Using hormones as an excuse for biting someone’s head off.
There is one thing though that makes all the above-listed items shrink away. Something that makes me wish I was a man. Something that if I can’t become a man, really requires me to work super hard in order to find that hidden reserve of estrogen somewhere deep in my soul.
Showers. What a horrible, horrible torture that only women are forced to endure. A horrible torture employed by women, upon other women.
The idiotic games, the shrieks of laughter from 20 chicks at the display of a chip and dip set/onesie/lamp/diaper rash cream/other stupid gift. The forced sitting with people you either don’t know or hoped not to have to see again. I hate the whole process. Especially baby showers where alcohol isn’t even available.
I have attended many showers, wedding and as the wedded started spawning, baby showers. Out of all the showers though, I have never had something seem so contrived as what I will endure tomorrow.
A Grandmother Shower.
I called a reliable source who confirmed this is out of the norm. My mother, a grandmother herself, called it “ridiculous” and “stupid”. Maybe she was just jealous, but when she called the thrower and/or the throwee greedy and self-absorbed, well, who am I to argue.
Lord help me. Think of me tomorrow as I will be forced to smile, shriek in unison and eat finger sandwiches, all while attempting to not stab myself with a plastic knife.
Next week, could you clear your calendar, it is Yoda’s birthday, we are having a party.
Yoda is registered at PetSmart, Macy’s and Wal-Mart.
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6 comments:
I missed out on that shower gene as well. I hat the games and the shrieking and the oohing and ahing.
Mother used to always say she had a later engagement so she could drop off her gift and run away. However, everyone knows I am a hermit so I woulc not get awat with that.
Want me to call you with a crisis?
I've never heard of a grandmother shower, but that doesn't really mean anything. ;) To attend a shower it had to be the type of person that would totally disown me if I didn't go, and I would actually care. I've not been to a shower in forever, but I remember not really enjoying them when I did. Well, except for the cake. That is the good part. :)
At first when you said "showers" I thought you meant the kind you take in the bathroom and I was befuddled.
But then I kept reading. I despise wedding and baby showers. It makes tears come to my eyes when I receive an invitation to one. I felt uncomfortable at my own wedding showers back when I was young and stupid and married that ex of mine.
But a grandmother shower? That would completely piss me off. What type of gift do you give at a grandmother shower? Afghans? Photo albums?
WTF is the purpose of a grandmother's shower?? I do not understand. Please explain, someone!
Best wedding I ever went to: Barbecue and a stripper. Hosted by my mother.
You think sitting down to pee is a good thing?? Hmm...
LMAO at WT!
I am not a fan of showers either.
I have NEVER heard of a Grandmother shower....I would give Depends as a gift just to show how idiotic I think a Grandmother shower is!
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