Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Kitten’s history has been documented quite well on this blog, hell, I should pull a Dooce and write her a letter each month for her to read when ….um… someone teaches cats to read, so she can learn how she was as a kitten.

Only problem being, every month it would read:

Dear Kitten: This month you continued to wake me each morning between 3:00 A.M. and 5:00 A.M. by licking my nose. I cannot wait until you grow out of this. You also continued to pick on Yoda, causing her to need Valium. I have removed all sharp objects from Yoda’s reach as she is rumored to have discussed “killing her some Kitten”. Otherwise, you were an absolute hellion delight. I hope you will forgive us one day for not coming up with a better name for you.

Love, Mama

Poor Kitten.

However, this day has surpassed all others in Kitten’s short life.

This day has surpassed all other days in my extended days as a cat owner.

Kitten has hit puberty.

I have never before seen a cat in heat.

God willing, I will never see it ever, ever, ever again.

I am traumatized.

It started last night. It may have started yesterday morning as soon as I locked the door in the morning, but since they are latch-key cats. I will never know.

When I got home, Kitten was quite vocal. She frequently will meow when she can’t figure out where I am because, oops, I left the room, it’s dark and with her crappy eyesight, she can’t figure out which way I went. I should have gotten the poor cat Lasik.

The other cats were hiding while I was making dinner, because when the stove is on, that usually means the smoke alarm is about to go off. So they hide at the bottom of my stairway, where the air will be clear. Kitten, however, was meowing up a storm. I would call her, yet she would just continue. I would go find her, and she would continue. I couldn’t get the cat to hush. Not even with a well placed, Cesar Millan approved, Tsscch!!

Then, the usual petting, resulting in a bit of raised rear, was intensified. Seriously intensified. By this morning, she was walking, constantly crouched down, anxiously awaiting her lover.

Poor, poor Cass.

Kitten chose Cass to be her de-virginizer.

The fighting that occurs nightly, was much louder than normal. And continued far past the usual time. It started around 2:30 A.M. and continued until nearly 4 A.M., when I finally locked Kitten in the back room. She howled for another hour or so until I let her out. She then continued to beg Cass to give it up until around 5:30, when she decided to turn her affections towards me. I tried to calm her and her howls down until at 6 A.M., I gave up, pulled my laptop onto the bed and started looking for a vet in my new neighborhood. And, of course, once I was fully awake, she promptly went to sleep. After keeping me awake from 2:30-6 A!M! ! ! !

When I got out of the shower, this morning, I was greeted by all 3 of the cats at the bathroom door. Kitten was offering her wares to both spayed, female cats. I took another shower, hoping to block that image from my mind. It didn’t work.

Here, Kitten was begging Cass for some loving:

No worries, Cass may have run this time, but she cannot resist the Kitten:

My entire morning was a scene from Brokeback Attic.

I am scarred.

Kitten is now in the clutches of her forever, one and only, Dr. Veterinarian, who promises to fix this love sick puppy for me.

Bob Barker was so right, please spay and neuter your pets. You do not want to witness what I have. Bleach to the eyes will not cure me.

**And before I get the comments, asking why it took me so long to get her fixed…I know I should have done it earlier. All my pets get spayed. This go round, however, I was a bit busy, what with the whole moving to another state, living in a hotel, sleeping on an air mattress, and related biz-ness.**

UPDATE: I just called to check how she is doing and was advised that all the appropriate parts were removed and that the testicles were added. Surgery was a success. Won't the other 2 eunichs at home be so happy!!