February 6, 2008

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Kitten’s history has been documented quite well on this blog, hell, I should pull a Dooce and write her a letter each month for her to read when ….um… someone teaches cats to read, so she can learn how she was as a kitten.

Only problem being, every month it would read:

Dear Kitten: This month you continued to wake me each morning between 3:00 A.M. and 5:00 A.M. by licking my nose. I cannot wait until you grow out of this. You also continued to pick on Yoda, causing her to need Valium. I have removed all sharp objects from Yoda’s reach as she is rumored to have discussed “killing her some Kitten”. Otherwise, you were an absolute hellion delight. I hope you will forgive us one day for not coming up with a better name for you.

Love, Mama

Poor Kitten.

However, this day has surpassed all others in Kitten’s short life.

This day has surpassed all other days in my extended days as a cat owner.

Kitten has hit puberty.

I have never before seen a cat in heat.

God willing, I will never see it ever, ever, ever again.

I am traumatized.

It started last night. It may have started yesterday morning as soon as I locked the door in the morning, but since they are latch-key cats. I will never know.

When I got home, Kitten was quite vocal. She frequently will meow when she can’t figure out where I am because, oops, I left the room, it’s dark and with her crappy eyesight, she can’t figure out which way I went. I should have gotten the poor cat Lasik.

The other cats were hiding while I was making dinner, because when the stove is on, that usually means the smoke alarm is about to go off. So they hide at the bottom of my stairway, where the air will be clear. Kitten, however, was meowing up a storm. I would call her, yet she would just continue. I would go find her, and she would continue. I couldn’t get the cat to hush. Not even with a well placed, Cesar Millan approved, Tsscch!!

Then, the usual petting, resulting in a bit of raised rear, was intensified. Seriously intensified. By this morning, she was walking, constantly crouched down, anxiously awaiting her lover.

Poor, poor Cass.

Kitten chose Cass to be her de-virginizer.

The fighting that occurs nightly, was much louder than normal. And continued far past the usual time. It started around 2:30 A.M. and continued until nearly 4 A.M., when I finally locked Kitten in the back room. She howled for another hour or so until I let her out. She then continued to beg Cass to give it up until around 5:30, when she decided to turn her affections towards me. I tried to calm her and her howls down until at 6 A.M., I gave up, pulled my laptop onto the bed and started looking for a vet in my new neighborhood. And, of course, once I was fully awake, she promptly went to sleep. After keeping me awake from 2:30-6 A!M! ! ! !

When I got out of the shower, this morning, I was greeted by all 3 of the cats at the bathroom door. Kitten was offering her wares to both spayed, female cats. I took another shower, hoping to block that image from my mind. It didn’t work.

Here, Kitten was begging Cass for some loving:

No worries, Cass may have run this time, but she cannot resist the Kitten:

My entire morning was a scene from Brokeback Attic.

I am scarred.

Kitten is now in the clutches of her forever, one and only, Dr. Veterinarian, who promises to fix this love sick puppy for me.

Bob Barker was so right, please spay and neuter your pets. You do not want to witness what I have. Bleach to the eyes will not cure me.

**And before I get the comments, asking why it took me so long to get her fixed…I know I should have done it earlier. All my pets get spayed. This go round, however, I was a bit busy, what with the whole moving to another state, living in a hotel, sleeping on an air mattress, and related biz-ness.**

UPDATE: I just called to check how she is doing and was advised that all the appropriate parts were removed and that the testicles were added. Surgery was a success. Won't the other 2 eunichs at home be so happy!!


Sauntering Soul said...

OMG, I'm crying that was so funny!

I remember when ex and I first brought Bailey home. I had never had an indoor cat and didn't know what the whole "in heat" thing was like. Ex and his family did have some indoor cats growing up so he knew what it was like. However, he said Bailey was not like any other cat he had seen when she first went into heat. During an ice storm. While we were stuck inside with no power and couldn't get to a vet for 3 days! Oh my goodness....it was horrid.

Add to this the fact that she was a stray and teeny tiny and we didn't know exactly how old she was. We had taken her to the vet to get checked out, shots, etc. a couple of weeks before she went into heat and the vet estimated her to be 6 weeks old. We certainly weren't expecting her to go into heat so we were perplexed when it first happened.

I hope you get some much needed sleep!

Southern Doll said...

Oh, a eunich cat is a happy cat. And a happy owner!

Kaytabug said...

LMAO!!! I am surprised you didn't link to Cass' story of getting the fix TWICE to show how responsible and how quickly you get on these things!!!

I remember as a child having to endure stray cat sex right under my bedroom window. HORRIBLE!!!

I hope you get a good nights sleep tonight!!

sophie said...

Boris and Sidney have appointments on Monday. I grew up with many cats, and I must admit that Mother wasn't particularly responsible about getting them fixed. Once we had three females with litters at the same time! There was a mean Siamese male who used to haunt our yard with a horrible, repeating RRRRRROOOOOOOWWWWERRRRR. My sister and I named him Ugly Balls, and the name fit. Sorry to use such an unpleasant moniker on your blog.

Jagular said...

You really scared me when I was reading about the cat in heat and I scrolled down the screen and saw pictures coming.
I can only imagine what you must have gone through.

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