Racist, Decapitating Elevators and Other Things I Make Up

This morning when I was in the elevator, the doors were closing and out of nowhere, this guy pops up, throws his arms between the doors, setting off the sensor and allowing the doors to reopen.

While ascending to the lobby, we have the standard banter about elevators, banter like I typically have with others who threaten amputation by elevator door. (Look, it happens). In my building, some elevators don’t respond to an obstruction in the path of the doors. They just keep closing no matter whose arm, leg or bag may be trying to set off the sensor so the doors reopen. You can trust your various body parts to some elevators, but need to be wary of others. (And I am not even mentioning how rude it is to force someone to wait on you when you were clearly not in time for that elevator. It is extremely rude, but I am not mentioning it.)

Personally, I respect the sovereignty of the elevator doors. If they are closing, I don’t try to get them to reopen by throwing my arm in between the doors. I wait for the next elevator.

I have strange fears - I refuse to put any item in the back window of my car because if I am in a car crash, I will be decapitated by the flying box of Kleenex. I once heard that in driver’s ed. Or somewhere. Same thing with the elevator, I just can’t bring myself to test fate and hope that the elevator I am trying to catch has a sensor that isn’t dusty and will definitely not crush my arm and then once trapped, will decapitate me.

Ok…so…. Moving on from the decapitation. Because I am pretty sure now everyone knows elevator = decapitation.

So this guy and I are talking about how some elevators you can get to reopen and others won’t reopen no matter how anxiously you wave your arm between the doors as they close.

Some elevators close no matter what.

And this guy says, “Those must be Republican elevators.”

I laughed, “haha, yea.”

Yet I have NO IDEA what that means.

How is an elevator either Democrat or Republican, how do we know it isn’t Independent or perhaps a Libertarian? I bet that elevator actually is all “Ron Paul 2012!”

I am so tired of the election, talking about the candidates, seeing their mugs all over the news, hearing all the allegations of who is being meaner, who will ruin the economy, who is the racist-ist. I am so sick of it all.

I want to say that as soon as I finish voting, on October 20^th, the day early voting opens in Texas, that I will be done with it. That I won’t watch anything about it on TV, or read Drudge, or discuss it with my co-workers. Yet I can’t say that because I know it is a lie. I will. I will stress out for the remaining weeks wondering who will win. Although I am sure this election will have another Florida mishap and we won’t know who the President-Elect is for weeks after November 4^th.

I am thinking that maybe I should just tempt fate once I have voted and see if my fear of decapitation by elevator is warranted. I consider it my civic duty.