June 2, 2013

Oh, Hai There

Being a mother is so much harder than I ever dreamed. The day in, day out struggle to keep humans alive takes more energy, both physical and mental, than anyone leads you to believe. I always wonder, is it just me? Is this job just so much harder for me than for other moms? Are other moms exhausted and beat down at the end of the day? From the moment I wake until I crash at the end of a long day, I am busy. I am cleaning, comforting, nursing, playing, cooking and otherwise keeping the kids alive and all 4 of us fed and clothed.

 I am so fortunate to be a SAHM. If I had to work out of the home on top of taking care of the little people, I don't know how I would function. I think about returning to work every now and again. I know once we get past this stage of little littles, I will return to work. That day frightens me. To not see what my children are doing at 11:30 on a Tuesday makes me sad. To take care of the house, dinner, laundry and all the minute details that go into daily life plus work 40 hours and commute simply overwhelms me. Fully and completely overwhelms me. I secretly wish that day doesn't come. Can I stay home forever?

 Since I last posted, I had another kid, quite awhile ago actually. The 2 are now nearly 3 and 15 months. We are back in our hometown again after living out of state for some time. It is nice to be home. Back to what we know, near my sister and close enough to drive to our other family for weekend trips. I do miss the friends I had, but this is home. This is where we want to live and raise our kids.

 I'm still blessed beyond belief, still drinking red wine and still finding that my cat has an easier time losing weight than I do.


caterpillar said...

oh being a mother sounds difficult, its almost as hard as being a fat teenager, but being a teenager u only have to keep one person alive LOL. god be with you.

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