Spewing Forth The Words

I am an extremely polite person. My mother is a quiet, calm, introverted woman who rarely makes any manner missteps. She taught me by example to be a quiet, polite, respectful person.

One thing she was never able to pass on to me is to keep my mouth shut. If she has something to say, she won’t say it. It drives me crazy to this day that she would never express an opinion about some of the wayward things I did when I was younger. After I broke off my previous long-term relationships with jerky, lazy, good for nothing no-gooders, she expressed relief and said that she was concerned about the relationship, that she didn’t agree with it. I always wanted to scream at her, “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING!” Words from my mom may have made me come to my senses before I spent 5 years with each of those losers.

But never….she always kept it in. Waited until I realized, on my own, what a bad decision I had made, before she said a word.

The extreme politeness.

I have none of that. If I feel something, if I am mad, if I think the movie sucked, if I think your boyfriend is a jerk, I will try to keep my mouth shut, because as my momma taught me, it is polite to shut the fuck up, however, I promise you that my feelings are going to come out at some time. I can’t help myself. The words sit at the back of my throat gagging me until I have to either get them out or suffocate.

This is why I haven’t been around here. I had words that have been smothering me. Words that I wanted to say so badly yet I couldn’t do it yet.

Another way I am completely different from my mom is that I am not very good at keeping my business a secret. Not in the Britney Spears way of exposing her business, but in the, I am an open book and will tell some stranger at the grocery store my life story way.

And excitement. I have rarely seen my mom truly excited. She has such a calm nature whereas I am, well, spastic at times. I am not easily contained.

My feelings, my excitement, my words spew out of me, out of control.

So when, several weeks ago, Not Craig and I did something wild and crazy and utterly awesome, I didn’t tell many people.

Oh I told some, he told some. We couldn’t keep ourselves contained that well. However, pending actual definite approval, we kept it a bit under wraps. I haven’t told anyone except the absolute required people I work with and I didn’t write a word on here, because I knew I couldn’t write about anything else so I stayed away.

In fact, now that I am getting closer to leaking it to you guys, I am not sure if I want to spill it just yet.

Nothing is final yet, what if it all falls through.

And for some, others who have already walked in these shoes, it is not a big deal. To Not Craig and I, though, it is huge. We have been wanting to do this for some time and hadn’t thought it possible just yet. Thought that although we had been doing things responsibly for some time, that we just weren’t quite in the right position yet, apparently however, some fool disagreed and totally qualified us to buy our very first home.

A gorgeous home.

A home that I am so in love with.

In a place that I am so in love with.

With a man that I am so in love with.

So Yea us. And Yea me for keeping my flapping gums shut for a whole three weeks.

We were just approved for the mortgage, a daunting thing given the current climate. I guess I should thank Barney Frank and his stupid cronies for making it possible that banks are continuing to lend. Thanks Paulson. Thanks RINO’s. I appreciate you giving Not Craig and I the same opportunities millions of other people get. The opportunity to foreclose on our very first home. Thank you. Now I am going to go tell every single soul I run into.