June 23, 2007

Again Busy Solving World Peace and Destroying the Esteem of Thousands

Today, I ventured into Wal-Mart. All the while, thinking about Jagular’s post on the dump Store. I, of course, had planned ahead and brought the trusty armband Ipod. And ya know, it wasn’t that bad of a trip. The fellow shoppers still had sallow complexions, the children still screamed and cried, there were still eleventy billion aisles of crap. But, it wasn’t horrible.

Shortly after loading the car full of my goodies, turning off the Ipod and exiting my parking spot, I realized… It wasn’t Wal-Mart that had improved. The reason that this trip was wholly acceptable, was the Rev.

The Rev can cure world hunger. And solve all those pesky problems in the Middle East. Do you have a mice or a rat problem? The Rev. How about tomato plants that won’t sprout fruit? Have you played the Rev for them? Didn’t think so. All problems in life, including credit card debt, halitosis, dirty litter boxes, and high gas prices - The Rev could fix them. Try it. You will be pleased with the results.

And, if you were feeling a bit crowded while out and about running errands today, sorry….my sister’s bad. She increased the world’s population today.

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I, baby of my family, hereby, do solemnly, swear and affirm to teach the new baby how to destroy the toys, clothing and self-esteem of her older sister. I will teach her to hide the cool toys at the bottom of the toy box or in the pool next door. And to spill red Kool-Aid on big sister’s favorite jeans. And when puberty strikes their house, I do hereby pledge to teach the baby how to make her older sister cry by calling her fat. I consider it my honor and my duty as a fellow younger sister.

This pledge and affirmation is null and void, upon the birth of a third child, as all duties herein sworn, will immediately and fully transfer to the third born child. The pledgor will owe no duty to the pledgee as she does not have any knowledge or skill in being a bratty middle child.

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